Scars
by helluvadameron
Summary: Sometimes it takes almost losing someone for you to realize just how much they truly mean to you. That constant whisper at the back of your mind you've been trying to drown out suddenly breaks free of your control and only then do you have the courage to admit what you've known for some time: you've fallen.
1. Chapter 1

Poe opened his eyes for the first time that morning, just to close them in the next second with a painful moan. The dazzling light was like a sharp blade stabbing his head and causing a throbbing headache. He rubbed his temple, trying to ease the pain and decided to just lay there motionless for a minute. He hoped the headache would pass soon, but as expected his waiting was proven to be pointless.  
He heard a series of questioning beeps as BB-8 rolled closer to his bed.  
"Just a little headache, buddy," Poe replied to calm his little friend.

The last time he felt like this was the morning after he had a few glasses of Jessica's infamous alcohol, which she got as a thank-you gift from the villagers of an other planet. He was hung-over for three days; and to make matters worse he had to listen to BB-8's disapproving whistles for a week. That was almost a year ago and since then he hadn't even touched anything that would put him in such a terrible condition. One time was more than enough for him.

BB-8 waited by Poe's bedside, signaling to Poe that it was time to get out of bed. Headache or not, he had a lot to do today. The next week they were planning a series of attacks on a bigger base of the First Order and General Organa and the other officers were holding a briefing about the details today. After that he had to work on some repairs on Black One. In addition to all of that, he had to brief his team of pilots regarding their upcoming missions. In short, he couldn't allow himself to be taken down by a headache. As he got up and his feet touched the floor, waves of pulsing pain rushed through his head.

"This is gonna be a hell of a long day," he sighed to himself.

For Poe it felt like the briefing was going to last forever. He attempted to listen and focus on what was being told, but after a while the throbbing from his head slowly crawled down his neck causing such intense pain that he had to bite down on his lip to hold back his moans of pain.  
At last, General Organa dismissed them and Poe tried to leave the room as soon as possible to away without talking to anyone. It was precisely when he reached the briefing room's exit that he heard the General's voice.

"Commander Dameron! A word please?"

Poe tried to put on his 'everything is just fine' expression before he went back to the General.  
Leia waited until everybody left the room before continuing.  
"Commander, I couldn't help but notice, that you aren't feeling so well." She looked at him knowingly.

Poe swallowed hard. "It's just a little headache, General. Nothing more."

He was terrible at lying, everyone knew that. He had to try anyway. If he told the General that he felt like someone was ripping the muscles off his neck every time he moved, he'd be sent to the medical bay. He didn't have time for all those check ups today… or anytime soon if he's being honest. Right now nothing could be more important than the fulfillment of his duties as a Commander.  
Leia observed her favorite pilot with a look of doubt on her face.  
"Are you sure?" she asked with a probing look.  
"Yes," Poe answered stubbornly. The General knew that he was lying but he lied anyway.  
"Alright then ," she sighed after a few seconds, "but if your headache doesn't go away by tomorrow morning I would like you to go to the med bay.  
"Understood, General," Poe was about to leave, when Leia gently touched his arm.  
"That's an order, not a request, Commander. We cannot lose our best pilot because he was too stubborn to go to the med bay and have himself checked," she said, directing her pointed look at him.

Before walking to the hangar, Poe passed through an empty hallway and could not help but lean against the wall. He shut his eyes and tried to fight the aching pain spreading throughout his whole back now. Every breath he took sent new waves of pain from his throbbing head all the way down his spine. To make matters worse, he was beginning to feel cold. This was ridiculous, he couldn't even remember the last time he was chilly and yet now he was nearly shivering from the cold he felt. 

No, he couldn't be sick. There was way too much at stake and everybody was counting on him. He couldn't fail them. He was so absorbed in his thoughts that he didn't even notice BB-8 until the little droid bumped his leg for attention. 

"Hey, buddy," Poe greeted his friend with a tired, half-smile on his face. BB-8 chirped his concern as he observed his master from head to toe.

"Nah, I'm fine."

The droid let out a series of sarcastic beeps.

"Really, I'm fine," Poe tried to convince his friend, but the droid knew him way better than to believe him. BB-8 chirped sternly at his master swiveling his head to show his annoyance but Poe just waved his concern away.

"I said it's nothing. I've got tons of things to do today, I really don't have time to rest."

But BB-8 was a determined little droid and didn't give up so easily. The droid changed his method and this time he let out a series of pleading beeps and nudged his master's leg. Poe sighed resignedly.

"Alright, alright," he said as he rubbed his aching temple. "After I do the repair work on Black One, I'll go to my room and take a nap before the next briefing. Satisfied?"

In response the droid beeped a series of cheerful, content notes.

His Black One was waiting for him at the other end of the hangar. He ran his fingers on the side of the orange-black X-wing fighter. Poe hoped that working on his beloved fighter would help him to forget about the throbbing pain in his body. He slowly walked off to the storage room to grab his tools. He knew he was being followed and closely monitored by the unusually quiet BB-8.

As Poe bended down to lift his toolbox he felt a sudden, burning pain on his back. He couldn't help but cry and fall to his knees. It felt as if waves of electric currents were flowing through his neck and entire back.

BB-8 hysterically rolled around him letting out high-pitched whines and screams.  
"It's okay, buddy," Poe hissed through clenched teeth. "I'm gonna be okay."  
He closed his eyes and tried to keep his voice from shaking. "Just give me a few seconds."

BB-8 made a soft, concerned sound as he watched his master struggling. Poe took a deep breath and attempted to stand up on his own only to fall right back on his knees. He flinched at the impact, as his knees hit the ground again he felt shockwaves throughout his body. He bit down on his lip so hard that he began to notice a metallic taste in his mouth, his blood.  
"I might need your help, buddy," his voice was thick with pain. BB-8 rolled even closer, and positioned himself so Poe could lean on him. With the help of his little friend eventually Poe managed to stand up.  
"Thanks," he whispered with a weak smile on his face as he looked down at his loyal droid.  
BB-8 made a quiet sound in response. Poe waited until his heartbeat steadied and his breathing slowed before he took a step towards his toolbox. BB-8, knowing what his master was up to, rolled between Poe and his tools in one quick roll.  
"Hey! I need my tools BB-8!" 

The droid rolled his head, as if copying a human rolling his eyes, and let out a series of angry beeps.  
"I can do it," Poe said with a little impatience in his voice.

BB-8 made a short, skeptical sound, let out his mechanic arm, grabbed the toolbox and dragged it out of the storage towards the fighter.

In spite of his pain, Poe laughed a little. BB-8 never ceases to amaze him.

By the time Poe got back to Black One, the toolbox was next to his fighter but BB-8 was nowhere to be seen.  
"Buddy, where are you? I'm sorry I snapped at you," he called out, but there was no response in the otherwise empty hangar. As he turned around he felt a sudden dizziness and had to hold onto to the wing of his fighter to stand upright. He was feeling exhausted as hell, but at least he wasn't feeling cold anymore. To his surprise he was feeling pretty warm at the moment. He waited a minute until his dizziness went away, then, trying not to cause any more pain to his aching back, carefully he took off his jacket and threw it on the toolbox. Sweat was dripping down on his face, and his hair plastered to his forehead as he slowly walked to his X-Wings ladder. He climbed up to the cockpit and sat down.

"Get yourself together, Dameron," he muttered to himself. He had to admit this wasn't just any ordinary headache. He was, without a doubt, sick. It felt like his whole body was on fire, and the stabbing pain in his head and back worsened with every minute. But it didn't matter. It couldn't matter. There was too much depending on him, things that were more important than him. He couldn't fail the Resistance.

He took a deep breath, got on his feet and began to make his descent down the ladder. In a split second, he knew he made a horrible mistake. Suddenly, he felt dizzy once more, and the world around him went dim and the drum of his own heartbeat echoed loudly in his ears. His legs felt weak but he managed to grab the side of the ladder before he could topple onto the floor. Through his heavy breathing he heard a series of familiar beeps. He looked up, and even through his blurry vision he recognized the frantically beeping BB-8 rolling towards him at full speed. There was someone else running behind the droid, but he couldn't recognize her, until he heard her voice.  
"Poe!" the girl shouted desperately as she ran towards him.

His lips moved, trying to say her name, but no sound came out. His eyelids were heavy, too heavy to keep them open. He felt like all his strength left his body and he couldn't hold onto the ladder anymore. His fingers began to slip off the ladder step, the only thing that kept him still standing. The world slowed down around him as he was falling. There was no pain in his body anymore, only the soft calling of darkness. He shut his eyes and waited for the inevitable impact, an impact that never came. Gentle arms took hold of him and carefully laid him down on the welcoming cold floor. The last thing he saw before his eyes shut and he lost consciousness was Rey's hazel eyes.


	2. Chapter 2

Rey had felt fear before, but nothing could ever come close to how she felt at that moment. She wasn't scared for herself, rather for someone else's life and it was a whole new feeling for her. Of course she was worried when Finn was injured, yet oddly enough this time was different. This feeling seeped into her bones, nearly consuming her and causing her to feel a pain she had never experienced before.

As far back as she could remember, she had always been alone. She had to grow up alone, survive, and get stronger on her own. But from the moment she allowed a particular orange-white droid to roll into her life, she knew that everything would change. She gained a family, the type that she could only hope for since the day her real family left her on Jakku.

No one told her anything about the dark side of having a family to love. No one told her about how painful it could be to care about or love someone. How much pain one could feel and yet still how comforting and beautiful it could be as well. This truly was unlike anything she had ever felt before.

The med bay was silent. Rey hadn't said a word in hours and the only thing that sometimes broke the overwhelming silence was BB-8's melancholic notes. Neither of them left Poe's side since they brought him in. By the time the doctors got ahold of him he was in a horrible condition. He was burning with a fever, his heartbeat was abnormally fast and his breathing was erratic and laboured. They pumped him with medicine and fluids, but it seemed like none of it was working. His tan skin was clammy and hauntingly pale; and although he was unconscious, he cried out painfully every time a spasm rocked through his body.

Rey was with him the whole time. She didn't care about the doctors' initial caring queries that later turned into harsh orders to leave the med bay. She couldn't leave him, she wouldn't leave him. She knew how awful it was to be left alone. Even if he was unconscious and even if it could sound silly to anyone else, she didn't want him to experience that feeling of loneliness. She watched, terrified at how the doctors stood around him helplessly. They did not know what was causing his symptoms and why the medicine they gave him was not working.

Finally BB-8 brought the long awaited solution, thus saving his master's life. The droid beeped excitedly as he remembered Poe was bitten by something on his neck a couple of days back during his last mission on Haruun Kal. Rey quickly translated everything to the doctors who checked Poe's neck and in a few seconds they concluded the cause of his symptoms. Right under his hairline, covered by his dark hair, there was a tiny black stinger deep in his neck. His skin around it was angrily red, other than that it was barely noticeable. The doctors recognised it right away, it was the stinger of a fever wasp. An insect that was native to only Haruun Kal and whose venom could cause a serious disease that manifests only days after the bite. By the time a diagnosis is made, the venom will have already spread throughout the victim's body, causing severe pain and occasionally even death if the stinger wasn't found and removed on time. After the doctors slowly extracted it and gave him the right antidote, Poe's condition slowly but steadily improved. By dawn his fever was gone with his breathing and heart rate normalised.

Rey pulled her chair closer to Poe's bed as she watched the slow rising and falling of his chest. She was breathing with him without even realising it. She was so absorbed by his peaceful aura, that she didn't notice someone else had walked into the room. Leia placed a hand on her shoulder, slightly startling Rey. She turned around to see the General's sorrowful face.

"Has he woken up at all?" She asked quietly.

Rey shook her head in response. "According to the doctors he's doing much better now. They think they removed the stinger just in time, before it could have caused any permanent damage. We should be truly grateful for BB-8's observation." She looked down at the droid with a small smile on her face.

BB-8 beeped sadly in return, but didn't move from the side of his master.

"You should get some rest now. I don't think you realise you were with him the whole night." Leia observed the girl carefully. She looked exhausted. Her eyes were red and sunken, either from lack of sleep or crying. Maybe both.

"I'm okay really. I feel I should stay with him," Rey insisted.

"You need to sleep, Rey. I will stay with him, and let you know as soon as he is awake, I promise," the General said kindly.

"I want to be here when he wakes up," Rey replied, her gaze lingering on Poe's face.  
Leia watched them quietly for several seconds, a sad, knowing smile forming on her face. Poe and Rey were the two most stubborn people she knew. They reminded her so much of Han and herself… She sighed quietly and nodded at Rey, acknowledging that she wasn't going to win this battle. Quietly, she excused herself and left the room.

Not long after the General left a nurse came into the room to check on Poe's condition.

"You're Rey right?" She asked while motioning for BB-8 to move a little so she could get closer to Poe's side. The droid chirped resentfully in response but rolled enough for the nurse to check on his master.

"Yes." Rey nodded as she watched the nurse make a quick check on Poe's pulse.

"Good, then Rey would you be so kind as to help me turn him and hold him on his side? I have to examine the wound on his neck."

It took a few seconds for Rey to comprehend what the nurse was asking.

"Yes, sure." She quickly stood up, fighting the heavy weight of her tired body.

The nurse observed the tired girl thoughtfully, shaking her head. "You could really use some sleep, you know."

"Really, I'm fine!" Rey said in a surprisingly harsh tone. She sighed tiredly and added regretfully "I'm sorry, I'm just…"

"You're worried," the nurse said sympathetically. "I understand. I truly do." Rey gave her a grateful smile as she stepped closer to the bed. "Please hold him still, while I check the sting."

The nurse pulled down the blanket from Poe's chest exposing his bare shoulders. As they carefully rolled him to his side Rey couldn't help but notice the long scar on his left shoulder. It ran down from his collarbone to the bottom of his shoulder blade. It was a disturbing sight to see, so white against his tan skin. Yet she couldn't take her eyes off of it.

"He was shot down," the nurse said noticing Rey's stare.

"Sorry?" She snapped up her head.

"He was shot down," the nurse repeated. "Four years ago on a mission. I don't know how, but it was a miracle that he survived the crash. "

BB-8 chirped in agreement and twittered quickly, remembering the horrible event. Rey didn't say anything as she looked from the scar to Poe's peaceful face. She knew what he was, he was a survivor, just like her.

"He's going to be alright," the nurse said as she laid Poe back. "There's no infection."

"When will he wake up?" Rey asked. BB-8 joined in the question with a curious whistle.

"It's up to him." The nurse nodded towards Poe. "His body was worn out by the fever and the pain. He just needs time to heal and rest." Seeing the slight disappointment and the weariness on Rey's face, the nurse added reassuringly.

"But he is going to be alright and that's what matters. There is no doubt about that."

Another hour passed without Poe waking up and the depressing silence began to disturb Rey. She was used to the quiet on Jakku and she never really had anyone to talk to, now it felt strangely uncomfortable to her. She wished Finn could be here, but he was on a recon mission to find a supposed base on a planet she had never even heard of. It was highly unlikely he would return before the next week. Rey smiled at the thought of how Finn would talk Poe down when he found out how stubborn and insufferable Poe had been.

She leaned on the bed, her head resting on her arms, thinking about how she had been reacting. She realised that she missed Poe. It may have sounded silly to someone else especially since she was right next to him, but still she missed him. She missed his voice, his laughter, the way they always argued about whether the Falcon or Black One was easier to manoeuvre. But she especially missed the way he looked at her. She so missed those deep brown eyes, because whenever she looked into them, she knew she had someone who would always be there for her.

She gently traced the lines on his hand and felt the comforting roughness of his palm. Strange, she had never held his hand before. Finn had that weird habit of grabbing her hand whenever he was afraid. Rey couldn't really decide whether it was about him being worried about her or about himself, maybe both.

Poe was different. He was never worried about his own well-being, always putting himself last in the order of importance. There was no doubt this was the reason why he ended up here. As for Rey, she knew he worried about her. She saw it in his eyes whenever she was sent on a mission, always worrying about her safety. But when the General worried and questioned Rey's capability and training for missions, Poe always stood up for her. That was what Rey appreciated the most about him. He trusted her implicitly and he knew she was strong enough to take care of herself. She was beyond grateful for that.

She discovered a faint scar between his index finger and thumb. It looked old, childhood old, but it was nothing compared to the scar on his shoulder. Still, she was curious about how he got it. She wanted to know, she wanted to know everything about him: his best and worst memories, his desires, his fears and flaws, his dreams and his passions. She realised she wanted to know everything about him, everything that made him Poe. With this thought she laid down her head on Poe's bed, her head wearily resting by his hand and her tired eyes finally giving in to sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

Thank you for your lovely reviews! :) You make my day better!

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Everything was so peaceful and quiet. There no longer was any pain in his body, just the safe and comfortable darkness blanketing him. He knew he should open his eyes and break the stillness, but he didn't want to. Then a question popped into his mind: where the hell was he? He tried to remember, but it was all too hazy. No matter how hard he tried his mind was too weak to recall anything that would give him an answer. Poe had no choice left but to open his eyes. He struggled to lift his heavy eyelids and blinked slowly several times to let his eyes adjust to the brightness. As soon as his vision cleared he recognised the white walls of the med bay right away and all of his memories came rushing back. If his throat hadn't been so damn dry and sore he probably would have cursed as he remembered what happened.

He sighed deeply and tried to move but his body felt strangely heavy, particularly his left arm. He slowly turned his head to see Rey sleeping on his forearm. She literally used his arm as her pillow. Poe could not help but stare at her, a smile warming his face. He felt like he could watch her forever; he found himself thinking how he'd never tire of seeing her beautiful face. With his other hand he reached out to brush some fallen strands of hair out of her face and gently tucked it behind her ear. His movement caught BB-8's attention and the moment the droid saw his master awake, he let out a series of loud and joyful notes rolling around cheerfully next to his bed.

"Hey buddy!" Poe greeted his little friend in a hoarse voice as BB-8 continued to chirp happily.

"Shh, BB-8!" He tried to quiet his excited droid, "You'll wake her…"

Before Poe could finish the sentence Rey's head jerked up. She first looked around confusion and sleepiness clouding her vision, but as soon as she noticed Poe she fixed her gaze on him.

"You're awake." She stated, her eyes widened with surprise.

"By every indication." Poe grinned.

"You're awake." Rey repeated, like she was trying to convince herself she wasn't dreaming.  
For a split second they just stared at each other, frozen; neither of them were able to look away or move, allowing themselves this moment to get lost in each other's eyes.

"I…" Rey opened her mouth like she was trying to say something, her eyes still fixed on Poe. "I was just…"

At last Rey broke the gaze, hurriedly turning her head away to hide the emotions Poe's deep brown eyes woke up inside her. It took her a moment to gather herself and turn back to him.

"Are you in pain?" She asked, her voice now steady and controlled.

"No, not right now." Poe shrugged a little.

"Good." Rey nodded, then all of a sudden punched him hard on his opposite shoulder.

"Hey!" Poe looked surprised at her, rubbing the spot where she just hit him. "What was that for?"

"You…" You scared me, she wanted to say, but at the last second other words left her lips.

"You almost died." She snapped at him, in an accusatory and angry tone.

"I was sick, but…" Poe tried to defend himself, still not understanding Rey's sudden wrath.

"You weren't just sick." Rey cut him off harshly. "A kriffing fever wasp bit you. If it wasn't for BB-8, you could've been dead right now!"

The moment she said those words, she couldn't think of anything else but how startlingly close she had been to losing him forever.

Poe watched her with confusion, shocked by her reactions. He had never seen her like this before, expressing herself with so much anger and fear.

"Rey…" He started slowly. He wanted to say something, anything that would make her feel better and would make that fear disappear from her eyes. But before he could continue, the nurse stepped into the room.

"Commander Dameron, you're finally awake!" She said cheerfully. "I'll inform the doctor and the general, be back in a minute."

Poe couldn't care less about the others right now. The only person he was concerned about was now silently standing at the end of his bed. He desperately tried to catch her eye but she was unable to look at him. Rey turned away and rushed out of the room without a word, and Poe could swear he saw tears threatening to spill from her eyes.

He was shocked and stared at the spot where she was standing just a moment ago. He wanted to go after her, shout her name, but he knew she wouldn't come back. And even if she did, maybe for the first time in his entire life he wouldn't know what to say. Instead he turned to BB-8, who was uncharacteristically silent during their rushed conversation.

"Hey buddy, would you look after her for me?"

The droid chirped in protest at first, making it clear he did not want to leave his master's side, but Poe's pleading look convinced him in the end.

"Thank you." Poe called out to him gratefully as the droid, swiveling his head and rolling his body, went after Rey.

He sighed heavily and closed his eyes, trying to collect his thoughts, but the nurse chose that exact moment to return.

"The doctor and the general will be here soon." She said and looked around curiously. "Did she leave? Well, I hope she gets some sleep now that you're awake."

Then seeing Poe's puzzled face she added.

"She refused to leave your side ever since they brought you in."

"How long have I been out?"

"A little more than 24 hours."

Poe's eyes widened both at the fact that he was out for so long and that Rey was with him all that time.

"And she was here the whole time?"

"Yes, no matter who asked her to rest, she was unwilling to leave your side."

And then it hit him, he must have scared her. He cursed himself, as he realised he did the last thing he ever wanted to do: he hurt Rey.

As she was sitting in her room leaning against the wall with her arms hugging her knees, a variety of emotions were plaguing her mind and heart. She was so relieved when Poe woke up. No matter how many times the doctors said to her that he was going to recover, she had to see it with her own eyes. She had to see him wake up to believe it. But as soon as she was sure that he was going be okay, in a split second she wasn't scared or relieved anymore, but terribly furious. She was angry at him because he scared her, and because he didn't take care of himself. He put everything else above his own well-being. She wanted to scream at him, make him understand how important he is, how much he really means to her and how afraid she was when she thought she might lose him. She wanted to tell him everything, but she couldn't. Not yet.

BB-8 chirped comfortingly at her as he nudged her leg. The droid followed her from the med bay, and at that moment Rey was truly thankful for his company.

"He's an idiot." She sighed and as BB-8 whistled affirmatively, she couldn't help but smile. "But he's our idiot isn't he?" She whispered and wiped her tears away.

"That's absolutely out of the question, Commander. " The doctor said strictly, looking down at him.

"But I feel fine." Poe insisted.

Well, it wasn't entirely true, but it wasn't a complete lie either. He definitely was feeling better than yesterday. He had no fever or headache, and most of the pain was gone from his back. But he also had to admit that his body was still sore and limp and his muscles were oddly stiff. There was also no chance in hell he was going to admit that to anybody. He refused to stay in the med bay any longer; he was sickened by the disturbing white walls of the room. He had spent enough time here before.

"I'm sorry Commander, but I'm afraid I can't let you leave for at least a couple of days more. You need to rest until the venom is entirely flushed out of your body."

"I could rest in my quarters," he proposed.

"Yes, you could, but we both know you wouldn't." The doctor said with a pointed look. They knew him well enough to know he wouldn't be able to lay in his bed and rest all day long.

"But…" Poe started, but he was stopped by the General.

"Commander, this is not up for discussion." Leia said in a severe tone.

Perhaps any other time he would have stopped arguing and obeyed his superior, but now he was desperate to leave the uncomfortable confines of the med bay.

"With all due respect, General, I can take care of myself." He said and then, after realising this probably wasn't his best argument regarding his current situation, he quickly added. "And BB-8 can keep an eye on me."

"I doubt a droid would be capable of a task such as this." The doctor shook his head.

"I could watch him," said a soft voice coming from the door.

Everyone turned towards the source of the statement and saw Rey standing there.

"I mean if there is nothing else I have to do." Rey looked to Leia, who gave her a reassuring nod.

"I don't think it's such a…" The doctor protested, but he was silenced by either the wave of Leia's hand, or BB-8, who pushed him aside to get closer to his master.

"I can assure you doctor, that Commander Dameron will be in good hands." Leia said looking at Rey and Poe, who were once again lost in each other's eyes.

Watching him and making sure he was resting enough meant one thing: Rey had to move in to his quarters for a week or so. At first Poe protested, saying that he could take care of himself. After that he argued with Rey because she didn't want to move from her shaky bed, which the General sent to the room, to his bigger and more comfortable bed. Rey successfully silenced him both times by threatening to leave him and sending him back to the med bay. She didn't really mean it, but it did the trick.

There was one thing that she couldn't take her mind off of. Ever since she met him, she had always felt comfortable around him. No matter where they were or who they were with, somehow he always managed to make her feel safe in a way no one else could. However, now she felt like something had changed, like suddenly there was a wall between them, a wall she wanted to break down but didn't really know how to. It seemed like he was trying to keep a certain distance from her, and whatever his reason was he kept it hidden.  
Or maybe she caused the wall. Maybe she was the one who built it between them by desperately trying to figure out what to say to him about her feelings, or rather how to tell him.

Rey watched him, as he slowly walked to his bed. Although Poe denied that he felt any pain, it wasn't entirely true. She could see how his movements were tense and guarded, no matter how hard he tried to hide it. Luckily, he didn't have much of a chance to move around as his room was probably the smallest one on the base. She had been here before, so it wasn't a surprise for her. It was poorly furnished with grey concrete walls, but maybe because of his presence, it still felt cozy for her. The one thing that was never a question for her, was why Poe choose this room instead of a bigger and more equipped one as was maintained by other officers. This room had something no other did - a full wall of huge windows, with a view of the flare path, behind which was the breathtaking landscape of the seemingly endless forest of the planet. He always said that the deep green foliage reminded him of Yavin 4. He often told her stories of his home planet, promising that he would one day take Finn and her there.

She wished they could visit his home planet one day, to see the place where he grew up, where he made his first steps in this world and where he flew for the first time in his life.  
She was so deep in thought that she didn't even notice that Poe had fallen asleep. She could hear his steady breathing from where she was. Rey observed him with a small smile on her face. His head was drooped to one shoulder, his face turned towards her. She thought for a second that maybe he was watching her when sleep claimed him, but she then quickly brushed such thoughts away and let herself drift off to sleep.

She suddenly woke to a faint moan of pain. She listened carefully and for a moment she thought she had just dreamed it up, but the next second she heard Poe's heavy gasping breaths. She instantly jumped out of her bed and rushed to his side, where BB-8 was already anxiously trying to wake his master.

Even with the dim light spilling through the window she could see his pale, pained face. His hair was ruffed and matted to his forehead with sweat which trickled in beads across his temple. The front of his shirt was wet, the thin fabric clung to his chest as he groaned, his head writhing from one side to the other. He was dreaming, she realised, and as she turned to BB-8, the droid confirmed her suspicion – he had a nightmare, and not for the first time.  
She leaned over him and as she was gently shaking his shoulder, she called his name.

He was in that dark chamber once again, straining against his cold shackles, bruising and cutting his wrist as the metal dug deeper into his skin. He felt like his lungs were being crushed in his throbbing chest as he struggled to breathe. Every inch of his body was burning in white hot pain, his muscles strained to their limits. But even this torment couldn't come close to matching what he felt as Ren tried to rip his mind into shreds while searching for the information he wanted so much.

"Tell me." His demanding voice echoed in his head. "Tell me where it is."

He tried to resist, tried to fight with the inhumane pain penetrating his mind, but Ren destroyed his every attempt to protect the valuable information. He bit down on his lip hard trying to hold back his screams of pain but as Ren forced himself deeper and deeper in his mind, tearing apart all of his memories and thoughts one by one, he couldn't hold them back anymore. His suffering screams filled the chamber as Ren deprived him of all the strength and will left in him. But then through his own screams he heard another, familiar voice. It called his name soothingly, slowly soothing the pain in his body and mind.

"Poe, wake up! Poe!" Rey shook his shoulders once more and finally he jerked awake. He looked around turning his head wildly. His eyes were glazed over with fear and pain.

"Hey it's me, it's Rey." She said comfortingly, trying to catch his attention. "You're safe. Do you hear me? You're safe."

It took a few seconds for him to focus on her. He sighed and licked his dry lips.

"Rey." His voice was faint and husky from sleep. He tried to sit up but she gently pushed him back down.

"Just relax. You had a nightmare."

Poe stared at her for a long moment without saying anything, as if his mind was trying to process what just happened.

"I'm sorry to wake you up." He said with guilt in his voice.

"Don't worry about it." Rey replied kindly.

For a split second she wanted to ask him what he was dreaming about. She was curious and at the same time worried about what could have frightened him, a man who was constantly a frontline officer in every dangerous mission. But she couldn't bring herself to do it. Asking him to relive the agony in his nightmare would just hurt him, and the last thing she wanted was to cause him any more damage.

"Close your eyes. I'll stay beside you until you fall asleep," she promised and moved closer to his side of the bed.

"You don't have to." Poe protested.

"I don't mind." She smiled warmly at him.

He was about to say something, but Rey silenced him by putting her hand on his chest.

"Close your eyes." She ordered nicely.

"Thank you." He mumbled as he softly took her hand, which was still resting on his chest, into his. Rey liked his touch, his warm skin felt so comforting and nice against hers.

He slowly closed his eyes as looked at her, and it didn't take him more than a minute to drift off to sleep.

Rey stayed by his side. Poe fell asleep still holding her hand and she didn't want to risk waking him up by letting go but she also enjoyed watching him sleep. His chest would slowly rise with every breath, and she could feel the steady rhythm of his heartbeat beneath her hand. She reached out with her free hand and brushed his damp hair back from his brow. She gently ran her fingers through his dark and tousled hair. Since they met she couldn't recall any occasion when his hair wasn't wildly mussed and ruffled. But she liked it the precisely the way it was, messy but lovely, just like him.

As she was looking at him, she was overtaken by sleepiness. She struggled to stay awake, and blinked several times but she could not keep her eyes open much longer. Without even realising it she slowly leaned on Poe's chest, her head resting above his heart and fell peacefully asleep.


	4. Chapter 4

First of all I'm really sorry it took me so long to update. Secondly thank you for your patience and your lovely comments :)  
And most importantly thank you to centaine for beta reading! I loooove you giirl! 3

Rey turned on to her other side in the comfortable bed and sighed cozily as the sun was warming her face through the windows. She smiled to herself with closed eyes, as she perceived his sweet scent on the pillow under her head. With every breath she took, her mind filled with joyful memories and thoughts of him. She buried her face into the pillow even more and pulled the comfy blanket tighter around herself. She breathed his scent as deeply as she could, wishing it could stay on her skin forever.

She was so lost in his scent that she didn't even realize she wasn't in her own bed, until her mind took control. Her eyes blinked open instantly and she swiftly sat up. She was in Poe's room, more precisely at the center of his bed, and her body was tenderly covered with a soft blanket, his blanket. But none of this interested her in that moment, as she noticed she was alone in the room. Both Poe and BB-8 were gone and suddenly she couldn't shake off the feeling that something could have happened to him while she was sleeping? She was about to jump out of the bed when the door opened and Poe walked in with BB-8 rolling at his heels.

"Hey." Poe greeted her with a half smile, while BB-8 rolled towards her with a series of enthusiastic notes.

"Where have you been?" She asked in an almost demanding but also worried voice without even returning the greeting.

"Relax." Poe lifted his hand in defense, slightly taken aback by Rey's tone. "I was only in the med bay for the daily check-up."  
He sat down at the end of the bed keeping a certain distance from her.

"I didn't want to wake you up." He explained mumbling, with a faint shrug. "After already waking you up in the middle of the night, it was the least I could do."

She glanced at his face and a wave of terrible guilt hit her hard. He looked so lost and gloom. His eyes, which were always sparkling with a glint of life, were now glassy as he stared out of the window. Rey couldn't bear that look on his face and that painful wall that towered between them, not anymore. She wanted Poe back. That Poe who wouldn't stop talking about flying, who always got a smart one-liner for every situation and who made her smile every day. She wanted to see that captivating look in his eyes again. That look full of life and charm, and full of promises for her.

"I'm sorry." She broke the silence.

"For what?" Poe turned towards her, his eyes wide.

"I snapped at you now for no reason, and I snapped at you before, when you woke up. I'm so sorry, but when…"

"No, Rey. Stop it."

He moved closer to her and gently took her hand in his.

"I'm the one who owes you an apology. I'm the one who hurt you, not the other way around." He said, his voice full of guilt and regret.

"No, it's not true." She shook her head to disagree, with a desperate look. "You didn't hurt me, not in the least, not at all. I was just angry at you for not taking care of yourself, for not asking for help. I was angry because you always put everyone and everything else before yourself. You just don't realize how important you are. Not your piloting skills, not your commitment or your missions, but you. I would give everything for you to finally understand how much you mean to everyone around you."

"Rey." He sighed bitterly and turned away from her. He let go of her hand and tried to stand up but BB-8 pushed him back next to her with a soft but firm nudge.

"BB!" Poe looked at his droid with a mix of surprise and resentment, but before he could say anything else Rey took his face in her hands and turned it back towards her, pulling him closer.

She felt she couldn't stop. The words she didn't know how to say to him until that very moment, they were coming out of her mouth unstoppably. She wanted to tell him everything. Every bit of her feelings and everything that could take down the wall between them.

"When I thought I might lose you, I was scared like never before in my entire life. I don't need an apology from you, Poe. I need a promise." She said, hopeful. "A promise that you will never do this again to yourself and to me, because honestly I can't imagine living in this world without you."

His eyes were wandering over her face taking in every detail of her beautiful features. Lastly he rested his eyes on hers, holding her pleading and desperate gaze. He couldn't say no to those eyes, even if he'd have wanted to. He gently ran his hands up her hands to her shoulders slowly pulling her into his arms. Rey didn't protest, she welcomed the feeling as his arms closed tightly around her. She mirrored his movements wrapping her hands around his neck and burying her face into his neck. She inhaled his scent eagerly as her fingers stroked his curly hair.

"I promise." He whispered to her ear, his breath warm on her skin.

Rey smiled in his neck and wrapped her arms tighter around him as he pressed his face against her hair. She wanted to hug him forever, never wanting to let go of him. She felt safe and comfortable in his embrace. It was so different from the first time they hugged each other. That was sudden and awkward in the heat of the moment, but this was tender and longing, filling her heart with warmth.

"I just have one question." Poe said with played seriousness, still holding her in his arms. "You do realize you slept on me twice in one day?"

Rey burst into a great laugh, feeling infinite happiness, because she knew she just got her Poe back.

Poe had to admit, he never thought he would enjoy being banned from flying and ordered to rest for such a long time. But as he watched a smiling Rey sitting next to him in the bed, well let's just say, he didn't mind it at all.

"I still doubt an X-fighter could pull that trick so close to the ground, like the Falcon." Rey said, joshing him.

"Well, it depends who is flying it." He replied, a slight cockiness in his voice. Rey rolled her eyes, laughing.

"You mean if you are flying it." She poked his arm.

"I've done it a thousand times without any problem." He shrugged with a grin on his face.

BB-8, who was next to his bedside and until this point was just listening, now chirped in disagreement.

"That was one time, buddy." He sighed.

"What was one time? What happened?" Rey asked curiously.

"I was shot down" Poe replied with a shrug.

"I can't really recall everything." He continued frowning. "We were in an attack, and the General ordered us to withdraw but some of my squadron got into a risky situation with some TIE fighters. They couldn't shake them off, so I decided to lure the TIEs off them so they could fall back safely."

He paused, and stared at the wall behind her, trying to remember.

"I flew close to the ground and I took out a few but not all. One of them managed to hit the side of Black One and I probably bumped my head pretty hard because I woke up a week later in the med bay."

Poe involuntary reached up and rubbed his left shoulder.

"So that's where you got that scar?" Rey asked quietly.

He raised an eyebrow at her.

"How do you know about that?"

"I saw it when you were sleeping in the med bay." She admitted slightly blushing, then quickly asked another question.

" And how did you survive the crash?"

"Thanks to BB-8." Poe smiled and, leaning over, he patted the head of the cheerfully chirping droid.

"After I lost consciousness, he took control and he landed the fighter, or what was left from it, as carefully as possible,. I owe him my life more times than I could count."

If a droid could blush, BB-8 probably would have been red from the words of his master as he rolled back and forth crooning.

Rey studied Poe's face with a searching look.

"Was that what you were dreaming about last night?" She asked diffidently. She knew perhaps she shouldn't be asking him, but she was curious, and she also hoped maybe she could help him somehow.

His body tensed up as he looked away towards the window.

"No." He answered faintly, with his eyes still on the green foliage. "It was Ren."

"When you were captured?"

He nodded in silence.

He never talked about it, and even when someone asked him how he escaped from the First Order or how he met Finn, he always left out that part. But Finn told her everything - his capture, the beatings, the torture and what Ren did to him. It made her burn with anger every time she thought about it. She had been through the same, but she had been able to defend herself, Poe had not. But it made sense for her now, what else could frighten a man like him, apparently so fearless, like the only thing he couldn't fight against.

"It happens sometimes." He shrugged, trying to be casual about it, but Rey could see through him.

"Well, it won't happen again." She stated assertively, which made Poe turn to her in surprise.

"As it shows from last night" she continued with an arch smile forming on her lips. "It helps if I sleep on you."

"Are you saying you want to make a habit of that?" Poe grinned.

"Thinking about it…" She answered teasingly.

"I'm not going to protest."

"I wouldn't imagine." She smiled at him truly joyously, as she once again saw that wonderful look in his eyes, a look she missed very much.


	5. Chapter 5

You've been warned! Unbetad. All mistakes are mine.  
Thank you for your wondeful comments! :)

„Come on." Rey asked him for the thousand time that day. „Tell me how you got it."

„Nope." Poe shook his head playfully with a grin on his face.

„You are so hard headed, you know that, right? "

„I know, but it's your turn." Poe poked her nose. "I already told you how I got the one on my shoulder."

Both of them were laying on their sides in the bed, facing each other, their head resting on their elbows. They were alone in his room. BB-8 was on his daily spying trip around the base to collect information for his master. The General forbade Poe to attend any briefing or even to ask anyone about the meetings during his recovery time, so this was the only way he could knew about what was going on outside his room.

„But I only have one, which you already know about." As a proof Rey lifted her left arm showing the white scar on her elbow. She got it in a fight with an other scavenger who tried to steal her food. Let's just say he didn't succeed. "That's all."

„Really?" Poe arched an eyebrow in disbelief. „You really want me to believe that?"

Rey shrugged her shoulders.

„Scars are different." Poe said in a bit more serious tone this time. „Sometimes they are not visible and they are not on your skin but on your mind or heart. But they are still there, and still scars."

Poe waited patiently for her answer as she stared ahead frowning for a long moment.

"I was left." When Rey finally spoke her voice was barely more than a whisper. "My family left me alone."

She didn't like to talk about it. So many years passed, but it was still a painful memory for her.

He observed her face carefully, with tenderness in his eyes.

"See?" He said blandly. "Scars are not always on your skin."

"And now what?" She asked, bitterness sharpening her tone.

"Now, I show you how to heal it." He replied which made Rey to look at him curiously.

He leaned closer to her and planted a gentle kiss on her neck. She sighed deeply and let her eyes close. All of her sad and painful memories seemed to fade away as she enjoyed his lips meeting his bare skin for the first time.

"From at this very moment," he continued as he kissed her cheek," every time you think about that, remember this."

He kissed the corner of her mouth, barely touching her lips, but it still sent thrilling shivers down her whole body. Then he cupped her face in his hands which made her open her eyes and meet his gaze.

"And remember one more thing: you will never be alone again, Rey. I will always be here for you."

As the words left his mouth he closed the distance between their faces and captured her lips in a sweet and longing kiss.

His lips were soft and warm, and so gentle on hers as she always imagined. She kissed him back as her hand slid down from his shoulder to his chest feeling his racing heart matching with her own heartbeat under her touch. Her other hand wandered behind his neck pulling him even closer and tilted her head to the side deepening their lingering kiss. Poe smiled against her lips at her movement and run his hands up on her side. Without breaking the kiss, gently he laid her down on her back, and levered up on an elbow so he can lean over her.

"Wait." On a sudden Rey pulled away from his lips and he was frightened of the thought that maybe he did something wrong. He didn't want her to feel uncomfortable or to rush her.

"I'm sorry. Did I…?" She placed a finger on his lips before he could finish the sentence, and couldn't help but smile at his worried expression.

"There is nothing to apologize for." She said running a finger over his lips. "But it's your turn."

"My turn?" He frowned in confusion.

"The scar on your hand. It's your turn to tell me how you got it, remember?"

Poe chuckled and pressed his forehead against hers.

"And you are the one calling me hard headed."

"Because it's true." She smirked as she was stroking his face.

"Alright." He sighed and rolled back from her to his bedside. He lifted his hand and just watched it for a moment. "For me it's not really a scar, more like a beloved memory."

Rey turned to her side so she could see his face as he was talking.

"I got it when I was just a child." Poe continued. "My mother was teaching me how to do repair work on her A-wing. I was eight and curious and of course I wanted to do it myself, so when she wasn't watching I grabbed her tools and tried to pull some screws on the stabilizer wing. But it didn't go as I planned and a piece of a sharper metal cut my hand open."

He traced a finger on the scar.

"She wasn't even mad or angry at me." He said with a small smile playing on his face as he remembered. "She just attended the wound, bandaged it and the next day she showed me how to pull those screws properly."

He fell silent for a second and looked at the green foliage beyond the window.

"A week later he left for a mission, and never came back." He said quietly.

Rey moved closer to him, placed a hand on his face and gently turned it towards her to make his eyes meet hers.  
"She would be very proud of you." She leaned over him closing the space separating their faces to continue where they left off.

Rey would have never thought that waking up in his arms in the morning would be such a wonderful feeling. She rested her chin on his chest looking up to his peaceful face while he was still sleeping and enjoying the steady rising and falling of his chest. She tried to fix his every features in her mind, his tan skin, that freckle just above his right eye, his sharp jawline, that small scar on his cheek, the line of his lips and his always tousled hair. She couldn't resist and reached out to run her fingers through his hair, playing with his wild strands.

"Admit it." Poe spoke suddenly startling her for a split second. "You only like me because of my hair."

"You couldn't be more wrong." She chuckled and planted a playful kiss on his lips.

"Me? Being wrong?" Poe's voice was filled with cockiness.

"Yes." Rey nodded with archness glistening in her eyes. "First of all your hair is just only one of the many reasons."

Poe laughed and drew her even closer until she was almost entirely laying on him.

"And most importantly," she continued, running a finger on his cheekbone to his jawline and over his lips, "I don't like you."

She paused for a moment, looking deep in his eyes.

"I love you, Poe Dameron."

He lifted his head and lightly brushed his lips to hers.

"I love you to, Rey." He whispered against her mouth, and closed his arms around her. Rey let her hands slide behind his neck and when their lips meet again in a passionate kiss she felt like the most loved and happiest person in the whole universe.


End file.
